24
August
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A) Get into a crowded elevator and say “Hi, I’m
Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!”
B)
Clean your gun.
C)
Make sure the elevator is empty. When somebody
gets on, say in a deep voice “Welcome to my sex dungeon. We’re going to have a lot of fun together.”
D)
Play “I've got your nose” with the other
passengers.
E)
Tell everyone
that gets on that you are their long lost brother/sister.
F)
Look up thoughtfully and say “Hey, is the
elevator cable looking a bit rusty to you?”
G)
Get into a conversation with a fellow passenger
about your extraordinary sex life, insisting that all three of your children
were conceived in that very lift.
H)
Call the Psychic Hotline. Ask if they know which
floor you’re on.
I)
Fake an orgasm every time the doors open.
J)
Slowly read “Green Eggs and Ham” as loud as you
can to fellow passengers.
K)
Ask somebody they floor button they want you to
press. When they tell you, say “Is that your final answer?”
L)
Leave the elevator. Just as the doors are
closing scream, “I FORGOT THE BOMB!”
M)
Put up a wanted poster, with a picture of
yourself and the text “WANTED. HORNY RAPIST.”
N)
Claim the person on the wanted poster is
actually a fellow passenger. (Make sure they don’t look like you at all,
preferably opposite gender.) Duel them to the death.
O)
Get on a crowded elevator and say “Don’t worry,
rabies isn't contagious.”
P)
Every so often take a look in your bag and whisper, "Do you have enough air in there?"
Q)
Ask somebody which rollercoaster they’re going
on next.
R)
Look at a fellow passenger and lick your lips.
When they look at you, say, “Dinner’s gonna be real good tonight.”
S)
Spread North Korean propaganda.
T)
Dance to the elevator music.
U)
After a while of staring at a passenger, say “You
can’t fool me. That’s a mask.” Attempt to pull their face off.
V)
Attempt to order pizza with the emergency phone.
W)
Scream at a fellow passenger, “YOU’RE STEALING
ALL MY AIR!” Then collapse and die.
X)
Pick your
nose and remove boogers. Offer them to passengers as a “light snack.”
Y)
Practice your gangsta rapping skills.
Z)
Release a cage of doves in the elevator, while
screaming “YOU’RE FREE! FREEEEEEEE!”
24 August 2013 at 08:35
I found this post so hilarious, I almost cried. Especially at "E", because I often contemplate telling popular/beautiful teens (the kind who stare at my "interesting"/naff clothing) that I am their daughter from the future, just to see their reaction.....
Great blog, btw, I've read just about every post :)
15 April 2014 at 10:43
Oh my gosh so funny :p can't believe I only found your blog now.. have done "R" before.. bad reactions..