From your posture to your
personality, there are all sorts of zany ways you can change yourself up to
make the mention of your very name send someone into a fit of giggles.
A)
Don’t stand on two feet while
having a conversation.
That’s what all the boring, sociable people do. No, why not trying standing on your head and play a game of “How long can I stay like this before I pass out and have to be rushed to hospital?”
B) While in conversation, invade
personal space. If you aren't standing three inches or closer to their face,
then you aren't being awkward enough. Ask them if they enjoy the smell of your
breath. Maybe even stroke their chin or lick their ear.
C) Keep all eye contact to a
maximum, and keep your eyes as wide open as possible. Keep staring at them
until their face is ingrained into your retina. If they ask what the heck
you’re doing tell them you’re admiring their beautiful ears.
D) Interrupt legitimate
conversations with random outbursts. Example:
Normal Person – So I went to the
library today on the way to the train station, which was an unusual detour
because-
Socially incompetent person – MY
BEST FRIEND IS MARK AND HE IS A PENGUIN
E) You can create awkwardness
with your ‘unique’ appearance, such as with an interesting shirt.
F) Get working on your terrible
conversation starters. Some good ones:
“Hello! What? The prison clothes?
Sorry, I, umm, thought it was a fancy dress party.”
“Good news, I am no longer
infected. *winks* ”
“You… you’re a girl right?”
“Does this rag smell like
chloroform to you?”
“I see dead people.”
“You know what ethnic minority I REALLY hate?”
“Pardon me dear Earthling; could
I obtain a blood sample?”
“My toenails smell like
asparagus.”
18 July 2013 at 17:13
Oh My God!! I would not have the guts to be THAT awkward (I'm plenty awkward on my own though) but i'll be sure to pass it along to someone who would, if only to laugh and watch them get slapped or socially alienated!