I've finished my exams and am looking for a job. Anybody hiring? Here’s the worst things to say in a job interview.
A)
I want this job because I need money.
B)
What’s a Microsoft Word?
C)
My work ethic is so high, it’s basically Asian.
D)
Did you just touch my crotch under the table?
You sneaky devil, you.
E)
Can I just say, I love the fact that you’re
black. In fact, I love all the black people. Like, I just don’t get racism, you
know? Why should those stinky whites discriminate against you people? In fact,
I hate the whites and I love the blacks. Not love in a gay way of course. Ha!
Gay people are gross.
F)
How many young women work here?
G)
Wanna buy some cocaine?
H)
You’re cute *winks*
I)
Who’s the babe in the photo frame? Your wife?
……. She home right now?
J)
I hope this doesn't affect my chances of getting
the job, but I have a severe porn addiction and have a bad habit of pulling my
dick out in public and jerking it off in people’s faces.
K)
I’m not getting out of this chair until you hire
me.
L)
Can I brush your hair? Please? Pretty please?
M)
I love lamp.
N)
It’s not that I prefer to work independently,
it’s just that I f*cking hate people.
O)
Didn't I molest you when you were five?
P)
Meet my pet rock, Barney.
Q)
One of my main strengths is my ability to fit my
whole dick into your ear.
R)
Why do you have a typewriter connected to your
television?
S)
Where I come from, that kind of question can get
you shot.
T)
You’re not going to hire me? Why don’t you come
down to my dungeon and we can talk about this some more?
U)
You see this? It’s a dick piercing. Get used to
it.
V)
So, tell me… how many secretaries have you had
sex with on this desk?
W)
If you draw the curtains I can show you the one
special skill I have that I didn’t mention on my CV ;)
X)
You know, my CV could have been even better, but
I grow tired of bullshitting, you know?
Y)
Yes I have great leadership skills, I am the
leader of a highly respected World of Warcraft clan.
Z)
My anus is leaking.
leave a comment or i'll be sad
11 July 2014 at 01:38
Hello! I've probably mentioned this before, but I love your posts! They're hilarious! For that reason, I have nominated you for the Sunshine award! Check my blog to find out all about it!
http://karissa-throughmyeyes.blogspot.com/2014/07/nominated-for-sunshine-award.html
11 July 2014 at 02:36
"One of my main strengths is my ability to fit my whole dick into your ear."
I'm wondering... Does this mean that the person who's doing the interview has huge, elephant-like ears, or...?
Great post, made me laugh. I mean, who doesn't bring their pet rock to a job interview?! :P