18) How to get kicked out of school

A)     Start a food fish fight.

      This little guy's begging to be used to give someone a head concussion!  (source)

B)      Ride a llama to your classes.

C)      Have a pool party, in the lunch hall.

D)     Make the school’s fire alarm your ringtone.

E)      Realise your life long goal of becoming a nudist.

F)      Play “connect the dots” with your teacher’s freckles.

G)     Ask to be expelled.

H)     Display an interest in your headmistress’s menstrual cycle.

I)        Claim that you know they’re on their period because you can smell it.

J)        Inject liquid faeces into your teacher’s lunch.


K)      Impregnate every female teacher.

L)       Tell the head teacher that their skin would make an excellent coat.

M)   Impregnate every male teacher.

N)     Bring a homeless person in for “Show and Tell.”

O)     Hit on your headmistress.

P)      Moan in the girl’s bathroom on the 3rd floor.

Q)     Lead cows upstairs.

R)      Add laxatives to the milk.

S)      Spread a rumor that you are an illegal immigrant.

T)      Tease your depute head-teacher/principal for not getting the top job.

U)     Sing “Stupid Hoe” to your teacher. (You may even get arrested for singing a Nicki Minaj song.)

V)     Whenever your teacher tries to talk to you scream “Are you calling me fat?!”

W)   Rub yourself in vaseline, sit in the corner and pretend to be a slug.

Your new Facebook profile picture (source)

X)      Roll down the corridor, claiming to be a magical fairy from Venus.

Y)      If (for some reason) you are friends with your head-teacher/principal on Facebook, send them a Farmville request.

Z)      Write erotic stories about the (possibly made-up) love life of two teachers. Sell these stories to fellow students for extra points here. Extra bonus points for destroying your teacher's marriage with your stories which distressed his wife so much she immediately left, taking his two young children with her to go and live in Mexico where she could send him divorce papers and liquid faeces, leaving your ex-teacher (who had to quit his job due to the scandal) to realise his life is crumbling around him and he'll never see his kids again and his wife hates him and his dog died and he's over qualified for McDonald's and his dog came back to life and died again and his goldfish went to jail for dealing drugs and PLUTO ISN'T A PLANET and...

Moral of the story - Don't write erotic stories. 

1 Response to "18) How to get kicked out of school"

  1. rileysmilesify says:
    9 July 2013 at 06:14

    Hey Callum, your blog is so funny and I enjoy reading it a lot :) I've nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award, so please check it out here: http://smilesnomatter.blogspot.com/2013/07/liebster-award.html

    Have a good one!

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