21) How to order pizza


          A)     Force the order taker to tell you, in detail, what they are wearing.

         B)      Ask how many kittens were killed in the making of the pizza.

         C)      Attempt to order a slice of pizza.

          D)     Ask to see a menu.

           E)      Attempt to rent a pizza.

          F)      After they start talking, act confused and say “Oh sorry, I meant to call the phone-sex line. Goodbye.”

              G)     Say every word in a different accent.

            H)     Do not use the word “pizza” during the entire conversation. If your order taker uses the word, scream and hang up.

            I)        Ask the order-taker if they are on their period, as they sound particularly angry. (Especially effective when they are male.)

             J)       Put them on hold.

             K)      Tell the order taker you’re depressed. Force them to cheer you up.

              L)       Complain that the last pizza you ordered didn't have any crust on the top.

             M)   When the order taker tells you the price, start crying and hang up.

             N)     Ask for your pizza to be shaken, not stirred.

             O)     Ask if the pizza has had its rabies shot.

           P)      Communicate your preferred toppings through the use of anagrams, to test the order-takers problem-solving skills.

             Q)     At the start of the conversation tell the order taker that you have a competitor on the other line (think Dominos vs. Pizza Hut) and that you will buy from whoever gives you the lowest price.

               R)      Ask if “another pizza” is an appropriate topping.

               S)      Ask them to deliver the pizza under a bridge in any shady area of your neighborhood.

              T)      After you've given the order taker your address, casually mention that this might be the address of your sex dungeon. And that you’re looking forward to their visit.

            U)     Call Dominos pretending to be a drunk Pizza Hut manager. Act as aggressive and intoxicated as anybody surely can over the phone. “Come at me, bro”, “Get back to your own parts” and “I will murder your family” should be expressions used often.

           V)     Tell the order taker that in order to have the honor of taking your order they have to pass a short test. The only question is, “Who invented pizza?”

             W)   When they repeat your order say, “Try again, with a little more feeling this time.”

              X)      Ask the order-taker to sculpt your pizza into the face of Harry Styles.

              Y)      Attempt to order diet water.

              Z)      Ask if the pizza guy could “pick me up some tampons while you’re at it.” (Extra points if you’re a guy.) 

0 Response to "21) How to order pizza"

Post a Comment